Key Takeaways
- Effective communication: Mature partners can express their needs and feelings clearly, listen attentively to their partner, and have difficult conversations without resorting to blame or name-calling.
- Responsibility for actions: They take responsibility for their mistakes, apologize sincerely, and learn from them.
- Respect for boundaries: They respect your time, space, and independence, and don’t try to control you.
- Supportive and empathetic: They are there for you during tough times, celebrate your successes, and can see things from your perspective.
Maturity is very underrated as far as being a necessary quality in a long term relationship partner.
A study published in Psychological Science found that people who are more mentally mature are more likely to have satisfying and long-lasting relationships.
The study also found that mentally mature people are better at communicating with their partners, resolving conflict, and providing support.
The study included data from over 2,000 couples in the United States.
The researchers found that the couples who were most satisfied with their relationships and who were most likely to stay together were those whose partners were more mentally mature.
Whether it’s whining when you don’t get your way or totally clamming up when you get upset, learning to deal with your emotions is mandatory if you don’t want to spend your life alone.
One of the details I point out to clients in my Soulmate Magnet program is working on yourself first.
Once you are confident in your own maturity level, then you know what you want or don’t want in a partner.
In this post, I’ll go over 5 ways to tell if your partner is mature enough for a relationship.
Again, this assumes that you have most (preferably all) of these traits yourself…because two immature people trying to make a relationship work is a train wreck waiting to happen.
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They are able to Communicate Effectively
This means being able to express your needs and feelings in a clear and concise way, and also being able to listen to and understand your partner’s needs and feelings.
Mature partners are able to have difficult conversations without resorting to personal attacks or name-calling.
Mature partners are able to have difficult conversations without resorting to personal attacks or name-calling.
Mature partners are able to have difficult conversations without resorting to personal attacks or name-calling.
That is not a mistake. I literally typed that line 3 times so you understand the gravity of the point.
They are also able to communicate their thoughts and feelings honestly and openly, even when it is difficult.
For example, a mature partner would be able to say something like, “I’m hurt when you don’t call me back when you say you will,” instead of saying, “You’re always so inconsiderate!”
A mature partner’s response would be something like “I apologize, I didn’t realize that upset you. I’ll try to do better and make sure I can really call you back when I say I will instead of just blindly giving a reply.”
Now that knife cuts both ways because maturity also means they would also be able to listen to your response about why they didn’t get a call back without interrupting or getting defensive.
This one is tough for some people because many of us fall into two categories for this type of situation.
Either we don’t want to talk about it (avoidance) or are too eager to talk about it (aggression).
Maturity is understanding yourself first, but also trying to understand the person you want to be with long term.
But to get to that understanding, you must first communicate effectively.
They are able to take Responsibility for their Actions
For the people in the back, this means not blaming others for their mistakes and being willing to apologize when they are wrong.
Mature partners are also able to learn from their mistakes and grow as individuals.
On more than a few occasions I’ve had to explain the difference between “I’m Sorry” and “I Apologize”.
An apology is more intimate. If we’re at a stadium with thousands of people piling into doors and I happen to step on a stranger’s foot, he/she will quickly get an “I’m sorry”…and we go on about our merry ways.
If I’m at that same stadium and mistakenly spill my beer on the couple in front of me, they’re going to get an apology.
That apology is owning up to the action you did…like I said, it’s more intimate. As if to say, it will never happen again.
Another example, if a mature partner forgets your birthday, they would apologize and say something like, “I’m so sorry I forgot your birthday. I know that’s important to you, and I should have remembered.”
They wouldn’t try to make excuses or blame you for their mistake…”Oh you should have reminded me!”
Part of making a relationship work long term is finding and understanding what’s important to the other person and making sure you fulfill that need.
Mistakes happen, just make sure you own them, take responsibility and apologize.
They are able to Respect your Boundaries
Oh boy is this a big one in my line of business! For the record, this means respecting your time and your space.
Mature partners understand that you are your own person and they don’t try to control you or change you.
They are comfortable enough with themselves to not view you as a possession.
Remember that old saying “Absence makes the Heart grow Fonder”…it’s true. Very true.
Maturity is understanding that we all need our alone time. Granted, it doesn’t have to be for days on end…or even a whole day.
But even the immature partner needs to realize that they themselves also need time for themselves. It’s simply not healthy to be joined at the hip.
For example, if you have a busy schedule, a mature partner would understand and wouldn’t pressure you to spend more time with them than you have available.
They would also respect your right to have your own friends and interests, and they wouldn’t try to isolate you from your other relationships.
Let me dive into this just a little right quick because it can be a slippery slope.
Yes, you need time to yourself or just away from your partner so you can hang out with your friends and/or family.
But just make sure your partner is also getting a fair amount of time as well. A great example is the proverbial guy that loves football, but his partner does not.
So from Saturday morning until the end of Monday Night Football he’s with his boys one way or another. That’s cool.
But, he needs to make sure to also plan events with his partner those non-football days days…or when it’s not football season.
Finally, be aware of those that would try to isolate or guilt you when you hang out with family/friends. That’s a red flag that should be addressed early in relationships.
They are able to Support You and be there for you when you need them
This is mandatory for a healthy, long-term relationship. No matter who you are, what culture you are from, or where you live…there will be trouble.
Healthy, long-term relationships weather those storms…together. They go through the ups and downs of life…together.
This means being emotionally available and offering support during difficult times.
Mature partners are also able to celebrate your successes and be happy for you. They are your biggest cheerleader and your strongest supporter.
I counseled a couple a few years back that was going through a rough time over money.
The guy lost his job, but his wife…pretty much around the same time…got a huge promotion.
I mean she instantly started making the same amount of money they previously made combined as a couple. And he couldn’t get over it.
Being empathetic, I understood totally. He tied his identity into being the bread winner for the family, he had been for years.
I asked ‘how long have yall been married?”…15 years
“Yall got separate bank accounts? who pays the bills?….No we just have one joint account, everything comes out of there.
After a few more questions I finally had to say…”Dude, stop hatin! You can hate on a lot of people in this world, but your wife not one of them.”
Moral of the Story: Celebrate your partner’s victories, Support them in their defeats.
They are able to Compromise and Work Together to solve problems.
This word “compromise” is getting to be a trigger for many Coaches, Counselors, Therapists and Psychologists. I’m telling you, it’s getting mean in these streets over it lol!
The divide basically comes from some people thinking that when you compromise you lose a little bit of yourself in the process.
I can respect that line of thinking. Not sure I entirely agree with it, but it does make sense and I can see the logic.
But I’m still old school.
If you love someone and want to try and make it work long term, this means being willing to meet each other halfway and find solutions that work for both of you.
No, you shouldn’t get lost in the other person and start doing anything that is against your nature or that feels wrong inside you.
But, mature partners are also able to put the relationship first and not always try to get their own way.
They are willing to listen to your perspective and work with you to find a solution that everyone is happy with.
For example, if you and your partner are having a disagreement about where to go on vacation, a mature partner would be willing to compromise and find a destination that you both enjoy.
Maybe by taking my “Where Should I Go on Vacation Quiz” 😉
They wouldn’t insist on going to their dream vacation spot if you don’t want to.
Speaking of dream vacation…check out this blog I wrote about the Most Romantic Cities in the World!
In addition to these five signs, there are a few other things to look for in a mature partner. For example, mature partners are typically:
Secure in themselves. They don’t need constant validation from others, and they are comfortable with who they are.
Empathetic. They are able to see things from your perspective and understand how you are feeling.
Trustworthy. They are honest and reliable, and you can count on them to be there for you.
If your partner exhibits all of these signs, then they are likely mature enough for a relationship.
However, it is important to remember that everyone is different and there is no one-size-fits-all definition of maturity.
The most important thing is to find a partner who is compatible with you and who makes you feel happy and loved.
If you are unsure whether or not your partner is mature enough for a relationship, it is always a good idea to talk to them about your concerns.
And if that doesn’t clear things up, don’t hesitate to give me a call! I’m always here to help!
