Key Takeaways
• The “Angry Black Woman” stereotype is harmful. It overlooks the strength and resilience Black women possess and discourages them from expressing vulnerability.
• Camelia’s story highlights the challenges Black women face in business and dating. They may be judged based on race and gender, and their strength can be misinterpreted.
• Self-doubt and fear of rejection can be crippling. Camelia experiences this after facing microaggressions and failed relationships.
• Self-love and understanding are key to overcoming challenges. By focusing on her strengths and prioritizing her well-being, Camelia attracts a healthy relationship.
Camelia, a whirlwind of melanin and laughter, wished she could juggle her love life as easily as she handled her bakery.
Problem is that she rarely smiled outside of her bakery. A very successful bakery, nestled in a busy corner right next to a New York City cafe.
But beneath the tough exterior, a familiar pain settled in her chest, Camilla, longed for love.
The angry black woman stereotype clinches onto so many of our women that when we see Camelia,
We don’t think twice about how mean she appears.
But have you ever thought to yourself, why? Why is she so tough? Her strength was undeniable.
It radiated from her, like the warmth of her baker’s oven. But why, though?
There was quiet power simmering beneath Camelia’s smile, a resilience that made you wonder what she’d overcome.
What stories did those hands dusted with flower and purpose hold. Many of us, including black men, view black women as stoic and unemotional.
So much so that when they are vulnerable, it seemed incompatible with that image we created of them.
It is the pressure to uphold the societal construct from their end that can deter black women from expressing their true feelings.
Like the time Camelia was looking online for a brick and mortar to sell her delicious donuts and muffins.
The recipe had been in her family for generations,
and she was so elated when she received the blessings from her great grandmother who was still alive. That she could use it.
She started small at first only selling to her coworkers. But boy did the word spread fast!
Within a few months, she was getting requests from people on floors so far above her,
she had never even been that high up during her actual work responsibilities. That’s when she decided to start a website.
She knew her business would be successful in an actual building with an actual baker’s oven and increased production.
But did the guy that owned the building think so? He seemed to think so when they talked on the phone.
He was even happier when he received her lease agreement with her references. But not so much when they met face to face.
I wonder what changed. Every time it seems like things would go her way, life threw Camelia a curve ball. Camella was tired of curve balls.
You could see that fact in her face. That beautiful face that others look at, but don’t really see.
It took 5 such encounters before she finally came across a very nice lady, Who could relate to her struggle.
She didn’t judge her because she had been in that situation before. Can’t even say that she took a chance on Camelia.
Because one taste of her strawberry shortcake baked with strawberries picked the day before, and she knew she’d make the rent with ease.
But those small wins don’t justify the pains of all the losses. Losses that she couldn’t control.
It would be better if she had someone that could ease her burdens. Someone she could talk to at night. Someone would say, don’t worry, baby.
It’ll all work out in the end. She doesn’t need any financial help, of course. She did very good for herself even before becoming an entrepreneur.
She was frugal with her money. Invested wisely and did not have kids. That part. She did not have kids.
Those whispers from the back of her mind are as sharp as broken glass.
“Independent women scare them off,” her auntie used to say, shaking her head at Camilla’s single status.
“You’re too strong. You’re too loud. Them men can’t handle you!”
She used to always say that as if that was sort of a badge of honor.
Dating apps yielded swipes right based on her looks, of course, were followed by her being ghosted by those guys.
Whenever they discovered her opinions had a little bite to them, you know, those sexist men,
expecting subservience instead of the partnership that Camelia craved. She wasn’t a beta female.
She ghosted the white dudes because racism always inevitably reared its ugly head with those microaggressions disguised as compliments.
“You’re pretty for a black girl!”
That was her trigger.
Can’t show no weakness. That’s how she was raised. Not by her parents, mind you. But by the world.
Because when she did show weakness, there wasn’t anyone there ever to comfort her during her vulnerable times. So she learned not to be vulnerable.
You don’t have to comfort yourself if you don’t cry and no one can make you cry if you don’t show any weakness in the first place.
What drove this line of thinking you might ask? The Fear of Rejection. Fear of rejection is a serpent coiled around your heart.
Tightening it’s grip with every failure. Each bad date chipped away at her confidence. Was her Auntie right?
Each unnecessary rite of passage that she had to perform in the business world. She asks, Do I even belong here?
Every sales call she made when she was hung up on, or every time her appointment was cancelled, it hurt.
Deeper than most because now those thoughts go to is it because I’m not good enough, or is it because I’m black, or is it because I’m a woman.
Or is it both? Self doubt is like a bitter herb placed inside a delicious pecan pie. It poisons the spirit. All poisons require an antidote. A vaccine.
The antidote is compassion and awareness. That’s how she can start to tear down the wall of protection that she’s built around herself.
Camelia carried on.
She focused on her thriving bakery, her laughter, echoing through the kitchen during the day, the complete opposite of the nights spent alone.
She takes solo vacations, immersing herself in vibrant cultures her heart, swelling with self love.
But what she really wants is a family vacation with a loving husband and a few kids singing the back seat of a minivan.
One rainy afternoon, a man named Elijah walked in, drawn by the aroma of her pecan pie. Unlike the others, he saw Camellia. Really saw Camellia.
He would be the one to listen to her dreams, his eyes sparkling with genuine interest. Elijah was no fluke.
The reason he saw Camelia is because he saw his mother in Camelia.
His mother who raised 4 children alone because his father had died when he was only six years old.
Elijah would know when Camelia really needed her space. Or when she really just needed a hug.
He would respect her boundaries and celebrate her strengths He was not threatened by it.
Of course with Camilla, you know, nothing comes easy. Their connection wasn’t instant fireworks, but it was a slow burn.
They ended up discussing everything, though, from societal issues, their hopes, their dreams, their fears. He saw her flaws, but he adored them.
Because he needed the strength that she possessed. She was the perfect yin to his yang. Elijah didn’t arrive like a knight in shining armor.
It was Camelia that manifested him by understanding her own weaknesses. But focusing on her strengths instead.
Praying that universe would send the Jack to her Jill, the Clyde to her Bonnie, the Slim to her Queen.
She started to understand that every man wasn’t that racist property over that wouldn’t least of her.
She started to understand every man wasn’t the misogynist that guy that talked about a woman’s role in marriage on the 1st date.
And then asked for separate bills. Every guy wasn’t looking for a one night stand and trying to break her heart.
She understood this because she understood that every guy is unique just as she is.
Her and Elijah are still together to this day, 12 years later.
They share laughs while holding hands. While walking on rainy days in Central Park, while the kids are in school. Their relationship isn’t perfect.
Most aren’t. But it’s solid because it’s real and it’s built on respect and mutual growth. Camelia’s journey isn’t a fairy tale.
But a true story and a testament to self worth. By prioritizing her well-being, setting boundaries, and embracing self compassion.
Camelia had blossomed into the woman that she was always meant to be. Attracting love, not in spite of, but because of her strength and authenticity.
So next time you see a lady who’s face radiates resilience, don’t just blow her off as an angry black woman. Admire her strength.
Understand that resilience can only be gained through hard time. Instead of denigrating her, ask yourself, are you meant to be on her journey?
Are you strong enough to tame her heart and all the pain she’s gone through? If not, that’s okay.
But if so, you may end up with a love story sweeter than any sweet potato pie she could bake.
