Key Takeaways
- Ask yourself 3 questions: 1) Who you are most compatible with? 2) Who you do see yourself having a future with? 3) Who makes you feel good about yourself?
- Dating multiple people can be helpful: Dating multiple people allows you to compare and contrast potential partners and better understand what you want in a relationship.
- Focus on the future: When choosing a partner, prioritize long-term goals over how you feel in the moment.
- It’s your decision: Don’t let how a potential partner might react to your decision influence your choice.
I was talking to a client one day, let’s call her “Alice”. Alice was dating two guys, “Bob” and “Charlie”.
She really liked both of them, but she couldn’t decide which one she wanted to date exclusively.
During one of our sessions I asked her “If you knew you only had one day left on this planet, but could only invite one of them in the hospital room, who would you choose?”
Alice thought for a moment and said, “I would choose Bob.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because he’s the one I have the most fun with,” Alice replied. “I know he’d make my final moments as fulfilled as possible.”
Charlie would probably cry the whole time.
Dating at any age is important and fun. But there comes a time when you do have to make a choice…correction…the right choice.
In this post I’ll go over some of the advice I give clients who are in this dilemma and some important questions to ask yourself.
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Dating Advice for Millennials
I hate to pick on you guys, but this is a fast paced world that you grew up in. I mean “back in my day” we didn’t have Tinder, eharmony or Match.com.
You can find a date so fast nowadays that you forget that even though you have a microwave, food tastes better when it’s had some time in the oven. Slow down.
Take some time to get to know your potential partner. What’s the rush? Spend time with them individually and in groups.
People tend to let the real out when they’re in the comfort of friends and family they know.
Talk to them about their hopes, dreams, and values. Pay attention to how they treat you and others.
Dating advice for Single Parents
Don’t hide who you are or your situation. But, also don’t feel like you have to lead with it on the first conversation of the first date either.
Be confident in your parenthood. Energy is real. Your potential mate will sense how important your kids are even if you don’t say a word if you carry it properly.
What are your dealbreakers? What are your non-negotiables? Have those things established before you start dating.
And I don’t mean superficial traits like “He/She better have an 800 credit score and a $200,000 car.
I mean, does he have kids? How’s this relationship with his kids? How’s this relationship with his own parents?
These are the right kind of questions to ask because they lead to deep answers, the type of answers that are hard to fake.
Dating Multiple People in the Digital Age
This study, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science in 2018, found that people who date multiple people at the same time are more likely to find a compatible partner.
The study also found that people who date multiple people are more likely to be happy in their relationships.
The study’s authors believe that dating multiple people allows people to compare and contrast different partners and to find the best match for their needs.
They also believe that dating multiple people can help people to better understand what they want in a relationship.
And that makes sense because the more information you have, the better your decision tends to be.
Think about this scenario…You go on a date with 5 guys.
3 of them offer to pay for the dinner.
The other 2 asked you if you want to split the bill.
Now before you start judging remember we’re all individuals.
There are ladies that would rather split the bill because they retain their independence, especially so early on in the relationship.
There are also ladies that would call those same 2 guys cheap AF.
My point and the point made in the study is, until you go on dates and get put in different scenarios you don’t know what you like and don’t like.
Now you may think, “going on multiple dates and dating multiple people are two different things.”
But I’d challenge that assessment because at the end of the day you are not exclusive with anyone.
Dating can be a lot of fun, but it can also be confusing and challenging. When you’re dating multiple people, it can be difficult to decide who to date exclusively.
You may have feelings for both people, or you may be unsure about who you’re more compatible with.
Do you even know your own love language? If not, check out my fun quiz here designed to tell you…What’s my Love Language?“
But back to the business at hand, if you’re struggling to decide who to date exclusively, here are three questions to ask yourself:
Who do I feel more compatible with?
Compatibility is one of the most important factors in a successful relationship. And when it comes to long term relationships, I’d put it up at the top with Trust.
For a deeper dive into if your partner is ready for a long term relationship…check out this post “5 Clues that your is Partner Ready“
The person that checks most of those boxes is probably the one you should choose.
When you’re compatible with someone, you share similar values, interests, and goals. You also feel comfortable and at ease around them.
To think about compatibility, ask yourself the following questions about each potential partner:
Do I enjoy spending time with this person?
Do I feel like I can be myself around them?
Do we have similar values, interests, and goals?
Do we communicate well?
Do we have similar conflict resolution styles?
The person with the most “Yes” answers is the person you’re most compatible with.
Who do I see myself having a future with?
It’s also important to think about your long-term goals when deciding who to date exclusively. Do you want to get married and have children?
Do you want to travel the world? Do you want to focus on your career?
Once you know what you want in your future, you can start to think about which person is more compatible with your goals.
Also ask yourself…Is the person you’re feeling most…ok with your answers?
For example, if you want to get married and have children, it’s important to date someone who has similar values and goals.
If you see yourself having a future with one person more than the other, that’s a good sign.
It means that you’re more likely to be happy and fulfilled with that person in the long run.
Who makes me feel good about myself?
It’s important to date someone who makes you feel good about yourself. When you’re with the right person, you should feel confident, loved, and supported.
To think about how each person makes you feel, ask yourself the following questions:
Do I feel good about myself when I’m around this person?
Do they support me and encourage me?
Do they make me laugh and have fun?
Do they make me feel confident and loved?
Making the decision
Once you’ve asked yourself these three questions, you should have a better understanding of who you want to date exclusively.
If you’re still unsure, it may be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member or me! So you can receive the proper support and guidance as you make your decision.
It’s also important to remember that there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to choosing who to date exclusively.
The most important thing is to choose the person who you think will make you the happiest and most fulfilled.
This is your opportunity to be selfish. This decision is all about you. Not the potential partners.
How they feel or how they will handle the decision should not carry any weight because it will just skew the scale.
Choosing who to date exclusively
Choosing who to date exclusively can be a challenging decision, especially when you have feelings for multiple people.
Here are some factors to consider when making your decision:
Do you share similar values, interests, and goals with this person?
Are you able to communicate effectively with this person?
Do you have similar conflict resolution styles?
Are you physically attracted to this person?
Do you feel an emotional connection with this person?
It’s also important to think about your future goals when making your decision. Choose the person who is most compatible with your long-term goals.
This decision has more to do with the future, than the present.
If you’re still struggling to decide who to date exclusively, drop me a line…that’s what I’m here for!
